And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
