Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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