in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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