Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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