Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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