Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
