i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
