my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
