i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Randomize
