he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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