i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize