I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
