sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I wish life had little blips of pornography
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
