Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
