for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
