kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize