Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
