wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Randomize
