I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
