I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
What drink are we having for lunch?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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