Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
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