God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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