just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You can't just leave with hair like that
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I am available for nakedness
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
