people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
home. puking in laundry basket.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
