Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Still dying that you shit outside
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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