I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize