I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
