we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
