I molested 6 butterflies tonight
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
