just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
