so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
