Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
