I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
