I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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