Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You left your underwear on the fireplace
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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