Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
