Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
