I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize