This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
