Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
