we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
