I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
