two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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