True but thats because hes a fetus.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
