Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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