Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
