just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
