I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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