Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
