Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
