discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
