i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i love accidental penises.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
