Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
