so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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