did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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