Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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