i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
