I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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