this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
