Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You just made me feel so damn special
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
