we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
