I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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