No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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