Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
from now on my penis is your penis
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
