Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Randomize
