She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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