Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
A+ Viking dick
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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