i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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