I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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