I feel like abortions should bother me more
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
