im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
