Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
