Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize