Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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