zippers are such a cool invention
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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