ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Welp...herpes.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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