Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
