SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
