How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
