That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
